Things have been hard. I know that things have been hard for everyone this year. We are physically and emotionally carrying a load that we never could have imagined possible. The world is hurting, we are hurting.
And I know we have to be broken down to build our selves up better and stronger. And I know like the phoenix we will rise from the ashes. I know that when one door closes another one opens. I know that everything is as it should be. And I know that I am hurting and sad amongst all these other things I know.
Even just writing this is a struggle. Amongst the world wide issues plaguing us right now, I have lost my home, my safety, and my profession. I am just this floating mess of pain in a vortex of chaos. And yet I have three small children that need me. So I can’t just lay in bed and cry I need to be emotionally available in a way that I can’t even be for myself right now. I need to be homeschooling, showing these little people that we are all OK, that they are loved and safe, that losing their home and staying with family is just a grand adventure until we know what comes next.
How do you tell a six-year-old that he lost his home without adding more trauma to the situation?
How do you grieve and process when tending to three small children for 16 hours a day?
How do you create joy and safety for others when you can’t find it for yourself?
So I just breathe.
Just a deep breath in and out of the nose. If I have more then a few seconds I count my breath and inhale for 4 and exhale for 6.
I take deep breaths and try to focus on one thing at a time. I know I can carry out these small tasks like helping brush teeth, making breakfast, or putting cream on boo-boos. I know I can make it through the day for these little people, for myself.
I also cry, a lot. I try not to do it in front of the kids. My son did ask me why I am crying so much now and I told him it is my new superpower. Thankfully I can still think quickly on my feet. I don’t want him to think tears are a bad thing. I want him to know its OK to let these things out, to freely express oneself.
And then I take more deep breaths. And I can feel my body relaxing, and I know that we are OK. And I know that things will get better. And I know that I have a strong marriage. And I know that we are resourceful people that will come out on top. And I know that something new and wonderful will manifest itself. And I know that we have such an amazing support system that is holding and carrying us right now.
So my gift to you all is this: BRFWA
This is an acronym from Kripalu a yoga retreat and education center in the Berkshires. I learned it in m yoga teacher training and it has been an invaluable tool to me in this time
BREATH: Those nice big breaths in and out of the nose
RELAX: Feel the effects of those breaths and soften the muscles of the body. Perhaps even massaging the face and beck muscles a little just to be sure they have let go of that stress.
FEEL: Just take a moment of inquiry to check in with your self. I always take this step to double-check that what I am feeling is realistic rather than some over the top inflammatory response to a trigger or situation.
WATCH: Now pay attention with intrigue and interest to what is actually happening. Don’t alter it, or manipulate it just let it be.
ALLOW: Now let go. What will be will be. You can not stop a situation or person from fulfilling its destiny. We live in a time of over-inflated egos where we think we have so much more control than we actually have. We don’t need to control everything we need to rather focus on our response to that thing or person.