So this morning, was one of those mornings. One child was screaming because the second child had touched her toy. The second child was screaming because she did not want to get dressed for the day. The third child had left his lunch box on the rock outside of the house even though it had been directly handed to him as he was getting into the car. The husband is feeling completely overwhelmed because he has a board meeting. And I am standing in midst of the chaos a swirling vortex of chaos. Quite literally, I have been asked to make challah bread for a friend and the KitchenAid is still shooting flour out of it as it spins in a circle because I have decided for the first time to try to use the bread hook which clearly was a mistake on this chaotic morning. I take a deep breath and say to myself everything is OK.
Earlier this week I had just put the last load of laundry in the wash. It was my ninth load that day, and I had a very satisfied feeling that I could check something off my list for the day. Immediately following this experience this fleeting moment of self-worth and accomplishment my daughter takes a crap in her pull-up. Now we all know the pull-ups are a joke and not actually meant to retain any sort of excrement. So this is now from her kneed to her neck. Obviously I now have more dirty laundry. As soon as I clean up the poop off of my own hands my second daughter comes to me crying because she’s had an accident. She is 100% potty trained but unfortunately is not feeling well that day and so peed her pants. As I am washing the pee off of me my neighbors son comes over and asked to be picked up. Of course I pick him up, what monster wouldn’t pick up a two-year-old who’s come over to say hello to you. Now guess what he does, he pees on me instantaneously. WTF. Now as I am changing out of my clothes saturated in pee from not one of my own children, but another persons child, my son comes home from school. No he does not poop or pee on me, however he smells like butt cheese. No idea where it’s coming from but he just smells like butt cheese. So I have him strip down and put on clean clothes. And now I put all of this dirty laundry in the basket and take a deep breath and say to myself everything is OK.
I could go on and on with examples like this. Where circumstances seemingly beyond my control are creating an endless list of things for me to do. And not things that soothes or satiate me, nothing related to self-care, things that benefit or aid others. My personal mantra used to be everything is going to be OK. The thing about that though is that it implies in the current moment that things aren’t OK. That someday things will be better that someday things will be different. But the reality of motherhood is that things don’t change it is an endless assault of bullshit day in and day out. It was causing me a lot of anxiety to be thinking that tomorrow would be different when the truth is that it’s not going to be, I needed to find an acceptance of what this is. That everything is OK now.
And the reality is that that is true. I have a warm loving home to raise my children. I have ample food to feed not my own family but any person that walks through the door hungry. That I have the ability to wash the dirty clothes, both in that I can afford the appliances to do so and the electricity to make them run. That when my children are of age they will be sent to a school of my choosing and receive the education that I think is in best alignment with our practices at home. That throughout the monotony and difficulties of day-to-day life that I am loved by my children, my husband, and my friends and family.
It isn’t always easy to maintain this perspective. Some days are going to be really really hard. And that’s OK. It’s not supposed to be easy, I believe that if it’s easy you’re not doing it right. Growth and change and true love comes from navigating the difficulties of life with integrity.
So when life gets hard as it will, take a deep breath, because everything is OK. You got this. Believe it or not everything in your life is culminating in this moment and how you choose to respond to this situation. Every trial previous to this was preparation for this moment. Every laugh and levity was meant to carry you through this hard time. And every hug received to let you know you are worth the hard work. Everything is OK.