I am sure that in the past I have written about the topic of surrender. And in the past I have learned the benefits of surrendering.
However like any process in life this topic is layered or multifaceted. Or we could go with the Shrek route and say it is like an onion with layers.
Like I can think that I have mastered the art of surrender and then the universe kicks me in my ass and shows me all the ways I have yet to grow. Do you ever have that experience? Just when you are thinking you are hot shit, and everything is going according to plan, that life takes a prompt nose dive?
This used to be when the anxiety would set in. Because I would know that “things were to good to be true”. That an impending doom was lurking around the corner.
And then I learned to surrender a little more.
Because impending doom lurking around any corner is a preconceived notion. Something I was contriving. And one day I just thought “Hmmm… what if it’s not impending doom? What if it is just life happening, and this is part of life? A natural balance of ebbs and flows.” So I sat with this idea and released the anxiety.
I surrendered to the whims and fancies of the universe and released any expectation to outcome be it positive or negative. And oh my god, it worked!
Now that is not to say there isn’t some real awareness and self soothing going on here. There is a lot of noticing myself starting to escalate in the moment and then having to remind myself that everything is as it should be. Or taking some deep mindful breaths.
But there is some real magic going on here.
For example: I used to think about my upcoming schedule and get super anxious about having to jump from one thing to the next. About there being so many meetings back to back. Or not having hygienic down time in my schedule. Or even just about being with my kids all day and homeschooling them. As a result of this I would micro manage my schedule, moving things around all the time, spending tons of energy fixed on making things work.
Now I just sit and wait. I respond to people. I make the necessary appointments, and what I often find is that only 75% of my commitments come to fruition due to the participation of others. Which means I have gained 25% of my time back without doing anything. Literally everything is as it should be!
This is happening over and over in my life right now. Where less is more. The less I force things the more that comes into alignment.
I used to have really strong boundaries in my business. Yet I find the more flexible I am (aka the more I surrender) the more money I make. I used to do business that I felt like I “had” to do and it always ended in my feeling frustrated and little to no income. Now I pursue the relationships that nourish me and amazing things are happening.
The more I surrender me own ideas of what I should or should not do, the more money I make. Who knew?
Now the ultimate test is when this can be applied to home life. And I have to say this is the next layer to my onion of spiritual development. I catch myself constantly controlling or responding from a place of ego and control. And there are times where I fail and have to go back and have the follow up conversation with my kids or spouse.
All the times I get frustrated and blow up, because I cant even say that thing for the 574,903,412 time. But can I? What is this narrative I am feeding myself about being at the end of my rope, or filled with exasperation? Is this the next layer of surrender?
The truth is I know it is. I know it’s the place to start because it seems ungodly hard.
So, I will begin to shed this next layer of self inflicted pain. It will not be an easy or graceful journey, as these things never are in the beginning. However I will be kind with myself even when I am being externally judged. I will hold my own light of compassion and meet my needs on this journey, and I know that each day it will get a little better as I surrender a little bit more.
Go forth and start your own journey into the art of surrendering. Let yourself let go of the places you are riggedly holding. Allowing yourself a life of peace and alignment.