We all know the drill. A mother is all the things, does all the things, and knows all the things.

To be fair, before my foray into procreation I already had quite the resume. Things like backcountry trail crew worker, biker bar waitress, nanny, estate appraisals, and barista littered the pages of my professional references.

While that would easily be its own blog post, trying to draw the threads between my vagabond existence before meeting my husband, I would rather focus right now on the litany of skills that are second nature to the existence of being the primary care provider for my children. And so dear reader I bequeath to you my resume as a mother. I know full well that it would be impossible to gather every last detail of what it means to carry the welfare of three different souls, and I would love to hear what you other mothers would add to your own list. As we know that each child has their own needs, and while these may be the needs for my offspring each reader would undoubtedly have their own resume of non negotiable tasks of motherhood. So read on and feel free to comment with your own Mothers Resume.

Skills: Team Leader, Profficent at WordPress and Squarespace, Policy Development, Implementing New Systems, Staff Trainer, and Kissing Boo Boos

Work History:

Maker and Sustainer of Life February 2013 – May 2018

Upon receiving the seed of my partner and life began to stir inside of me I provided a hospitable environment in which that life could thrive. This time span included 4 pregnancies, three births (all natural!), and breast feeding for anywhere from 6 months – 11 months depending on the child, and my physical and emotional state. Duties also included eating anything and everything within arms reach, mood swings, gingivitis, nausea, the inability to eat many of my favorite foods, rubbing my belly with shea butter every night, providing breast milk to other babies in need, being radiant AF and having fantastic hair and nails.

Sous Chef March 2014 – Present

Personally attending to the procurement of organic and local food stuffs, attending to the prep work and involving small hands to be included to learn vital life skills, cooking three balanced meals a day, and being an as needed snack bitch. Duties also include being a nutritionist, hiding vegetables in food, baking in bulk to freeze for later, and sneaking treats while hiding in the pantry so as not having to share.

Plumber December 2014 – Present

This position is a part time and as needed occurrence. It includes screaming while running down the hall in response to hearing the horrific sound of water hitting the bathroom floor. Then frantically plunging the toilet hoping to subside the flooding and then cleaning up the aftermath of an actual shit storm. The cause could be from a foreign object being flushed down the toilet, excessive flushing, or an actual rolls worth of toilet paper trying to be sent into the septic system.

Personal Everything December 2013 – Present

This includes but is not limited to personal accountant, person aid, personal nutritionist, personal chauffeur, personal punching bag, personal chef, personal stylist, personal scheduler, personal yogi, personal physician, personal hygienist, personal attendant, and personal reader.

Strategic Planner and Life Coach February 2013 – Present

This title includes the constant assessment of an individual’s personal growth and outline the steps necessary to reach an individual’s goals and potential. It also requires constant follow up, accountability sessions, and meetings to restrategize. Duties also include teaching vital life and communications skills and mediation.

Teacher September 2020 – Present

After purchasing a homeschooling curriculum I personal saw to the educational needs of my offspring. This included the back end research of finding the program, implementation of said program, and giving the direct day to day guidance and support to students. Duties also include reading, drawing, hiking, personal research, sculpting, and making a whole damn book.