I’m not really sure what to write anymore. Sure they’re the general antics of motherhood and homesteading. Yeah my kids learned to kayak this week, and there was a snafu where I had to process six flats of cherries STAT, and my cat let a half-dead bird loose in the house. But all of that seems bland in comparison to what is happening on a national scale right now.￼ And it is almost as if I don’t even have the heart to write, think, or process what is going on in my country right now.
Because it hurts. I am sad down to my deepest core. My own personal love and enthusiasm for humanity seems to be questioned at every turn. I have committed as my life’s work to be recognizing the good in each individual being and then helping that person elevate to see their own highest potential so that they can make the changes they need to accomplish that potantial. ￼￼￼
There are times that I question if I’m in a place where my activist spirit can be seen and heard. BIPOC are being murdered in the street and here I am in one of the whitest states in America that is also exceptionally liberal, and I feel like my voice just feeds into the masses. Perhapd it would ring louder in a place where more work has yet to be done.
I know personally that I can always grow and change and learn in relationship to the anti-racism work that I do on a daily scale. And yet the questions always linger in my mind: ”Am I digging deep enough, am I being honest with myself, am I really part of the solution, or do I just want to think that I am?”
I know that I regularly ruffle feathers and opinions on parenting, relationships, money, communal living, living a life of service, and just in general activism of any kind, but the question still remains for me what is there to celebrate right now? This doesn’t feel like a holiday. It feels like a death day.￼￼￼￼
￼ I don’t feel called to celebrate our founders. I don’t feel called to celebrate the wars we fought in (but I do feel thankful for our troops). I don’t feel called to celebrate laws and constitution that furthered a spirit of slavery within our country continuing its legality. I don’t feel like celebrating an economy that exploits its workers. I don’t feel like celebrating school systems that fail our children. ￼￼ I don’t feel like celebrating a healthcare system that isn’t centered around people’s health and well-being.
What I want to celebrate is the furthering of equality. I want to celebrate is the beauty of each person’s skin tone and the gift that an individual has to offer. I want to celebrate the many different heritages that we all come from that lead us to be the beautiful and unique individuals that we each are. I want to celebrate that I have the opportunity to raise well-rounded children that are going to make a difference in this world.
No matter what I will choose to blackout the 4th of July this year. I will not celebrate the notion of independence until all my brothers and sister in this country are truly free. And when that does happen, because I believe it is possible, then I will celebrate.