Starting Anew

Throughout life, there are times where we need to stop. Take stock of what is important and what really matters. It is my belief that in an ideal circumstance this can be done throughout your average day. However it is my personal experience that life can creep up unnoticed, and take space of these times. And again it is my personal experience that when that happens life starts to happen to you.

So I took a break. I took a break from this blog that I had just started. I took a break from my own expectations of myself. I took a break from to do list, calling people back, mostly even giving a fuck about what other people thought. I took naps. Went to therapy. Did a whole lot of yoga. Most importantly I just thought about what is actually important. What’s really important is that I have a healthy marriage, that my partner knows how much I love and appreciate him on a daily basis. What’s really important is that my kids feel loved and that they grow up in an environment where they feel safe so they can express themselves. What’s really important is that I am happy with the life that I am living, that I am not doing things that don’t make me happy. And that doesn’t mean that they won’t be things I don’t like doing but that I can contextualize it to the fact that it helps to create the life that I want to be living, that it aids in someway the happiness that I am seeking.

It is really easy to let the bullshit creep up. To let people tell you what you were supposed to be doing, what you have to do, what you need to do to be a good mother or a good wife. And when you started taking in those outer influences you stop listening to your inner self. What is it that makes you a good mother, what is it that makes you a good wife, what is it that makes you a happy person. No one else can answer that for you, and if there is someone that thinks that they can answer that for you don’t listen to them. However be eternally grateful to the friend that listens to you in your times of struggle and holds your hand, or makes you cookies, or whatever the hell else it is that will help you better identify what your own needs are.

So this is my pledge to myself, to listen. To trust my intuition, to know that inherently I have all the tools I need to be happy in my life. if there something that I is not aiding this process it is my responsibility to fix that. It’s my responsibility to engage in the difficult conversations so that the people around me can better understand what my needs are and who I am. to remember that there will come a time again when I have forgotten to listen to myself, where I have the lost the truth of my own inherent wisdom. And that’s OK. It’s OK to do it wrong, because it gives you the opportunity to start over again. Fresh with a more empathetic gaze for the world around me, better suited to help those in need.

So trust yourselves, be your best self and above all be happy.

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